new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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