its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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