no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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