Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there was a trapeze. enough said
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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