If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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