I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
