New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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