It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
