i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
