This girl is more easily done than said...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
