OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
