Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
