Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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