can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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