I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
