i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
