Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize