glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
