Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
