You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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