Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
