I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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