sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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