legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
