the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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