I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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