he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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