For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
