He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
