C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
