never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
