i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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