The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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