Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
