It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
