And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
