I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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