Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
