she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
