Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
