You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
