this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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