The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I need moral support for this bender
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
