we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
