if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
