then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
