She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I see more hoeing in ur future
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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