i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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