I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
