i think i have two assholes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
