The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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