I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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