Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm really busy with my period
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