You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Randomize
