my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
