we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
