I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
