That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
